


Moonstruck

by xypeilo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Social Anxiety, Some Humor, Unresolved Romantic Tension, mentions of abuse, more like falling BACK in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:58:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5715220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xypeilo/pseuds/xypeilo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi's therapist gives him an activity for overcoming social anxiety, recommending it be done with someone Levi trusts--and he finds himself at his ex-boyfriend's door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bit of a personal fic loosely based off of things that happened. LOOSELY.

_1\. Make eye contact_  
_2\. Smile at someone_  
_3. Ask someone for help_  
_4. Offer someone help_  
_5\. Initiate a conversation_  
_6\. Attend an event_  
_7\. Compliment someone_  
_8\. Tell someone a joke_  
_9\. Invite someone into your home_  
_10\. Make a friend_

Levi stares at the crumpled list in his hand his therapist gave to him earlier today. He spent the duration of his time before finding himself at his ex-boyfriend's door, folding and unfolding the paper--creasing the creases further or making new creases with his nails while his mind travelled into the depths of his paranoia. Ten things. Dr. Pixis wrote with his fountain pen Levi's ten biggest fears. The beautiful handwriting is displayed almost mockingly--laughing at him for being weak. Dr. Pixis said this kind of therapy helped children who did this with their parents, and recommended Levi to find someone trustworthy to work with him. At one point Levi briefly gave up and decided to just stop seeing a therapist altogether, shoving the paper into his pocket carelessly. But then he would take it back out, smooth it out apologetically and go over his thoughts patiently. He reads the list again, and again, and again until the door opens.

He shoves the list back into his pocket without a second thought to find Erwin looking very surprised to see him. Levi notices he hasn't changed much--physically, that is; Erwin seems to have kept up with his hair as usual. He looks well, Levi thinks. It's been a year since they broke up, but it feels like yesterday he just saw him. Like yesterday they were just eating dinner together, being the happy sappy couple they always were.

"Levi." Erwin deadpans, though he's wearing a cross between a frightened and confused look on his face.

Levi rolls his eyes as he fondly remembers how expressive Erwin is with those eyebrows. "I sent a text saying I was coming."

"I changed my number."

There's a sudden stab in his chest, but he lets it pass. "Can I come in?"

Erwin sighs. It was obvious he didn't want him to. Even if he did say no, Levi knew that he knew he wasn't going to take it for an answer. Arguing with Levi was always pointless. Erwin steps aside and opens the door wider, letting him in without a word. The apartment hasn't changed very much since he left. It's still as minimalistic and boring as usual, with fern as the base decor set here and there around the apartment. Erwin isn't much of a person with a colorful palette--which surprised Levi when they first started dating due to his lively personality.

Levi knows where the kitchen is and sits down at the table. Erwin follows him slowly with suspicion now staining his face. He leans against the doorframe instead of joining him.

"You just wake up?" Levi asks, noticing the coffee hasn't been brewed yet and Erwin is still in pajamas. He suddenly recalls waking up before Erwin every morning to make him coffee. Then he'd plant soft kisses all over Erwin's face to wake him up with his coffee in his hands--made just how he likes it. 

Erwin rubs his tired eyes and stretches. "Yeah, I was working all night. My editor has been on my ass about the last few chapters I wrote."

"Mike is still your editor? How's he doing?"

"Mike's doing fine, he got married to Hange recently."

Levi vaguely nods. "I knew those two would work out. Anyway, I know you hate small talk so I'll just cut to the chase--" Levi takes out the paper from his pocket and smooths it out over the table. "My therapist wants me to do this activity. He thought it would help me step out of my comfort zone if I do it with someone."

Erwin walks up to him to take the list and reads it. "What's this for?"

"Social anxiety."

The blonde clicked his tongue. "Still have that, huh? What makes you think I'll help you after all this time?"

Levi sits back comfortably, looking into Erwin's eyes easily. He knew him so well, he wasn't worried about feeling vulnerable around him. 'What makes you think I'll help you after all this time?' _I don't know,_ Levi thinks. He wants to say because maybe he had a spark of hope deeply imbedded in his heart that maybe, just _maybe_ Erwin would want to--that maybe he finally put the past behind him. But it wasn't like their petty fights that constantly separated them and brought them back together--no, this was something entirely different. Levi pushed him away. He said things to Erwin he regrets with all his life--things he knows that can't be forgiven with a mere apology. Levi pushed everyone away, especially the person he needed the most. Levi stays quiet for a moment, averting his eyes to the linoleum floor--tracing the lines that divides the tiles so precisely.

"I don't know," Levi says quietly. "I don't know why I showed up at your door, I just did."

Erwin doesn't even show a smidgen of sympathy. "What about your sister?"

"Olivia moved to Europe for work."

Erwin sighs heavily and finally sits down next to Levi, rereading the list. "Alright. I'll help you. But I don't want to see you after all this--no offense. Can we be clear on that?"

Levi feels a knot accumulating in his throat, feeling a tad sore in his chest. _So that's how Erwin really feels,_ Levi thinks. _He doesn't miss me at all._ He hesitates for only half a beat before nodding. "Yeah...we're clear on that."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support and patience! <3
> 
> Enjoy~

Levi wakes up groggily to his dog nudging him with her nose, nearly whining for him to get up. He groans and swats the yellow lab, but the sixty pound beast jumps on his bed and rolls around excitedly. Levi finally sits up slowly, his eyes still drenched with sleep and picks out the crust. He glances at the dopiest dog in the world with bleary eyes, wishing he could be as radiant as she is at six in the damn morning.

"What the hell are you smiling at?" he grumbles. She rolls around faster in response, rubbing her back all over the blankets and getting blonde hair all over the place. Levi sighs in disgust and decides to start his day.

Every sunday he bathes his lab (whom he claims to be mixed with pit because of her stocky physique), and lets her pick a toy afterward. Despite her sex, Levi named her Bruce because, well, he likes the name and the other dogs he saw that fit the name better due to their intimidating demeanor were too small. So he chose the dopey blonde that never stops smiling and to be honest, he's never been this happy being with her. It can get lonely sometimes not having a person around to share his affections with. But Bruce seems to know-- _without really knowing_ \--how to fill the gaping hole in his chest.

Bruce practically waddles alongside Levi with a new rope toy in her mouth as they make their way back home. Passersby occasionally stop and ask if it's okay to pet her, notwithstanding her menacing build and the fact that her name is Bruce--she would instantly submit, allowing them to rub her belly. _Some guard dog you are,_ Levi thinks as he watches her.

While the children laugh and play a friendly tug of war with her, Levi's phone vibrates. He pulls it out of his pocket to find an unknown number calling him.

"Hello?" he answers.

"Hey, it's Erwin." Levi flinches at the familiarity of his voice. _How the hell did he get my number?_ Levi wonders. _I forgot to give it to him when I saw him._ A smile suddenly grows on his face when he realizes Erwin probably remembers his number by heart or kept it saved somewhere.

Levi mentally waves it off when he finds himself getting too excited about it. "Oh, hey. What's up?"

"I was wondering when you wanted to meet to start your activity. I can squeeze you every day for a couple of hours in the afternoon, if that works for you."

"Yeah, that works. Can we start today?"

"Yeah, we can." Levi feels a tad frustrated at the lack of enthusiasm in his voice. He talks to Levi like he's some complete stranger, which doesn't bother him that much--but it doesn't hurt to sound a little expressive.

"Can you pick me up? I live at my mom's, do you remember where that is?"

There's a pause. "Yeah, I remember. I'll pick you up at twelve?"

"'Kay."

They hang up, and Levi quickly goes home. While Bruce rolls around the hardwood floor with her toy, Levi tidies up around the house. He already does a good job making sure not even the smallest speck of dust is present, but he feels a bit nervous. Levi knows Erwin doesn't have feelings for him anymore. He _knows_ that. But he can't help himself from feeling for him. When he left Erwin he didn't mean it--he was too overwhelmed and all over the place to think rationally. And now it's too late--it's far too late to even suggest starting over or ask for another chance. It hurts. It really hurts how badly he fucked up.

As he's flipping the cushions on the couch, Levi remembers how they'd always have a movie night every friday; They would cuddle on the couch under the couch throw and fall asleep before the movie ended. Levi chuckles to himself as he recalls Erwin always trying to tickle him while they watched; He would run a finger lightly on the back of his neck or in his ear, causing Levi to jump and pinch his thigh in response. Then it'd become a tickle/pinch fight between them until Erwin would surrender and carry Levi over his shoulder into bed. Levi looks at the couch miserably now, remembering how much fun he had being with Erwin. Sure there were downfalls but he knew deep down he was absolutely in love him--there was no one he'd rather be with. Erwin brought out the best in him. Erwin understood him...

 

While he's in the middle of making coffee, Bruce starts barking viciously at a curt knock on the door. Levi checks the peephole to find Erwin wearing a regretful face. He really doesn't look like he wants to be here.

"Sit." Levi commands, and Bruce obeys. Levi opens the door and Erwin's face switches to a fake smile. He knew Erwin so well he could detect the slight differences in every single expression he made.

"Hey, come in. I was just making coffee." Levi feels Bruce pushing her way out to greet the stranger with her tail wagging wildly. He's about to reprimand her but can't help but notice how cute they both looked together and how they oddly resembled each other--blue eyes, blonde, muscular.

"Hey--oh, hello there. New friend?" Erwin squats to pet her. "Yours?"

"Yeah, she's a rescue dog." Levi crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe, smiling at her. "Her name is Bruce."

Erwin snorted. "You named your female dog _Bruce_?"

"It's a long story. Bruce, inside." The small blonde waddles in after Levi and Erwin follows them, closing the door behind him.

Levi finishes making coffee and Erwin sits down at the table. Bruce rushes into the kitchen with the toy in her mouth and sets it on Erwin's lap. He makes a disgusted sound, picking up the soggy rope with his forefinger and thumb.

"Ew, gross." Erwin laughs, dropping it on the floor. "Is she a mixed breed?"

Levi turns on the coffee maker and sits down adjacent to him at the table. "No. But I tell people she's part pit to scare them off."

Bruce climbs onto Erwin's lap and tries to lick his face. "Hahaha, I'd believe that. So, where should we go today?"

"I was thinking about walking around the plaza nearby. There's a mall there, so I have plenty of people to practice on."

"Great idea." Erwin finally pushes her off and stands up, throwing the rope toy out of the kitchen. Bruce charges after it and comes back to lay beside Levi to chew on it. "How's your mom doing, by the way? I don't see her."

The coffee machine beeps and Levi abruptly gets up to prepare cups. He makes a note not to look at Erwin in case he feels like he's going to cry. "She's um…she passed away last month."

"Oh…I'm so sorry…" Erwin says softly. Right now all Levi wants to do is be held by him so he can cry, but he bites his bottom lip instead. Levi's mom loved Erwin--she seemed pretty disappointed that they broke up last year, but she kept telling him that they'd get back together one day. _Erwin loves you,_ she'd say with certainty in her eyes. Like she was god and she knew exactly Levi's fate with Erwin. _Sorry mom,_ Levi thinks. _But for the first time ever, you're_ wrong _._

Levi waves him off and forces to lighten his tone. "No, it's fine. Doc said she didn't have very much time anyway. I'm just glad she's not suffering anymore from the cancer."

"I see…" Erwin takes a brief moment of silence for Levi's mother before speaking up again. Levi hands him his cup and sits back down in his seat. Erwin takes a slow sip and closes his eyes, sighing. "Man, I can never make my coffee as right as you can."

"It's not that hard to remember. Two spoons of sugar and, well, I guess on the creamer. When the coffee turns a certain shade of brown I stop..."

Erwin watches him as he speaks, looking almost lost in thought. _I miss you,_ Levi wants to say instead of rambling about coffee. I _still want you._ Levi stares down at his reflection when he finishes talking before taking a sip. It hurts feeling this distance. It hurts having to put on a mask to hide his feelings for someone who won't return it. It hurts feeling rejected. None of this wouldn't have happened if he wasn't such an asshole towards Erwin. But there were so many things going on at the time--it was as if Levi wasn't in control of his own life. His own body. No matter how much Erwin would reassure him that he was there for him, Levi forced him away.

"Levi, you're crying."

Levi flinches from his thoughts and looks up at Erwin who seems stoic despite his concerned tone. It makes his chest hurt even more-- _fucking react to me, goddammit, Levi wants to scream. Hold me. Tell me everything is gonna be okay and that you'll come back._ But Levi sits up instead and laughs it off.

He doesn't laugh for very long though, and quickly falls silent, covering his eyes with his hands. He drops his head and starts to sob quietly. The tears won't stop falling.

"I'm sorry…" Levi whispers. _I'm sorry for being an asshole. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for everything._

He hears Erwin get up abruptly and walk towards him. Levi then feels those familiar arms wrap around his small frame, holding him close--protectively, as if too scared to let go. Levi desperately grabs for the back of Erwin's coat, pulling him closer.

They stand there for awhile in silence, eyes shut tightly while remembering fondly the feeling of being in each other's arms.

 

* * *

 

Erwin and Levi walk around the plaza quietly while Levi clutches the list in one hand. He looks around--it's a lot busier than he imagined. The people surrounding him are like swarms of bees. No--more like a stampede. Packed like sardines, using every inch of space to get by as quickly as they can. It makes Levi even more nervous thinking about having to stop someone in the middle of their flow and ask, 'Hey, yeah, hi--can we make eye contact real quick? It's part of my therapy because I fucking suck at life'.

Erwin can see Levi beginning to panic and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Why don't we order some food? That'd be easy for you, right?"

"How the shit is ordering going to get number one done for me?" Levi feels himself getting dizzy. He's so small compared to everyone else--so vulnerable and so weak beyond comparison. He never feels safe in public, and films on Netflix that he wastes his life watching proves even further that the outside world is filled with nothing but a bunch of hoodlums out to get any shrimps like him. Home is safe--and home, is where he wants to be right now more than anything.

Erwin raises his hands to calm him down. "What I'm saying is, when you order food, you have to make eye contact with the person taking your order."

"Are you shitting me? That's a thing?"

Erwin raised a brow. "Christ, have you been living under a rock?"

"Fuck off." Levi looks around nervously. He's already gotten this far, he might as well stick with it. "Ugh, fine. Where should I go?"

Erwin looks around and hums to himself. "We'll go to the food court in the mall."

 

As they're walking, Levi begins to feel nervous again. He stops in place. "What if I fuck this up? Do I have to keep ordering food until I can hold eye contact with them? How long do I have to look at them? One second? Two? Five?"

Erwin stops walking and puts his hands on Levi's shoulders. "Levi, relax. These are complete strangers--there's nothing for you to worry about. Look, just watch what I do."

Erwin walks up to a Burger King cashier and gives them a quick smile. He orders his food while making eye contact, then looks back at the menu after he hands her his card. When she returns it to him, he looks at her again and smiles before returning to Levi.

"See?" he says, as he waits for his food. "You don't have to look at people for that long, just enough for them to know you acknowledge them. You can stare at their forehead or their nose if it helps you."

"Tch. Easier said than done." Levi grumbles, crossing his arms.

Erwin gapes at him. He crosses his arms and narrows his eyes in realization. "You always do this."

"Do what?"

"You get negative and give up before even starting."

Levi scoffs and looks away, feeling himself turn red. "I didn't say I was going to give up."

Erwin raises a brow. "But you were going to, am I right?"

"Quit acting like you know me." Levi pouts, turning away from him completely.

Erwin chuckles softly. "You haven't changed a bit."

Before Levi can object, Erwin's name is announced and he went to go get his food. Levi watches him as he grabs a few condiments. He remembers these days. The cheap dates they'd go on together and stroll through the mall aimlessly--talking about all sorts of things. They had a lot of fun together. A lot of fun. Levi frowns as he notices a group of girls getting googly eyed at Erwin from a distance, egging each other to go up to him and talk. He deserves someone better anyway, levi thinks to himself.

Erwin comes back with a happy mouthful of his burger. Levi snorts as he remembers how much of a slob he can be while he's eating. A smudge of ketchup rests by his chin, but the blond doesn't notice it. Unconsciously, Levi brings his arm up and uses his thumb to wipe it off. Erwin freezes, obviously uncomfortable, watching Levi take a napkin from his hand to wipe the stain off his thumb. Levi suddenly realizes what he just did and feels his face get hot.

They gaze into each other's eyes for moment, with nothing in particular crossing their minds, but a specific feeling spreading across their chest. A certain desire. Everything they want to say is already being spilled in abundance through their gazes. Or maybe Levi was reading Erwin wrong--after all, no one can really understand him.

"S-Sorry." Levi says quietly, looking away. There's that feeling again--that familiar sense of fear, whenever he looked into someone else's eyes. Too afraid to look too long for anyone to see, to know every nook and cranny of his soul. Was he finally feeling that with Erwin again when they first met? They were back on square one--without a doubt, strangers once again.

Erwin clears his throat nervously and looks away. "So um, where do you want to get food?"

 

* * *

 

Dr. Pixis opens his door on the exact time Levi needed to be there. He looks pleased to find Levi already waiting. He favors Levi for his punctuality, whereas some of his patients would arrive late, making the session end late. Levi got there when he needed to get there and left when it was time for the session to be over. Simple.

Pixis sits across from him, leg over one knee, hands crossed--while Levi sat sloppily all the way back in the cushioned armchair, his toes barely touching the floor.

"You found someone to work with, I presume?" Dr. Pixis asks coolly, his voice casual yet there's a hint a professionalism. He was analyzing more rather than being present with Levi--which of course the brunet knows is his job, he just wishes there was more of a personal connection. He feels like there's still a boundary between him and Dr. Pixis, which makes him want to withhold from him and just keep to himself.

Levi nods. "Yeah, I did. It's my ex-boyfriend. Surprise!" Levi slightly raises his hands and shakes them in the air.

"Erwin? The one you speak of? And how is that coming along?" Dr. Pixis sits up a little, interest piqued.

Levi sits quietly for a moment and moves his tired gaze to his hands, idly picking at a hangnail that stings at the slightest touch, but it's better than feeling whatever it is he's feeling in his chest--the knot that accumulated throughout the day he spent with Erwin, catching up and pretending like everything is okay when really, meeting Erwin again after a year was probably the biggest mistake he's ever made.

"I feel like I'm regressing, doc." Levi says quietly, the tears he spent so hard trying to hold back now finally coming into view. "Erwin is the only person that really knows me, and, well, I feel like because of our past together it's interfering with my activity."

"Did you get anything from the list done?"

Levi sighs. "I managed to get eye contact down. Erwin and I spent time walking around the mall. He would demonstrate for me and then I'd do the same thing after. But I can't make eye contact with him anymore. I feel like I'm getting worse. I-I don't even think this activity is working."

Dr. Pixis sits quietly for a moment, pondering on a solution or maybe a response. “What do you feel towards Erwin?”

Levi wipes his eyes as the ache in his chest answers the question. He sniffles. “I love him, Dr. Pixis. I really can’t help it. It’s stupid, I know but…” Levi trails off, unable to find the words.

“Perhaps this activity will help your relationship Erwin, don’t you think? It was your first day spending time with Erwin, so of course it was emotional for you. You also have to take into consideration of how he feels too. Perhaps he’s just as troubled as you are.”

Levi smirks and smiles sadly. “Troubled? Nothing ever troubles Erwin.”

“My point is, not only do you have a partner for this activity, but you also have him to practice on as well. Perhaps getting close with him again will help you regain your confidence--be it a simple friendship, if you will. You’ve already gotten this far, don’t give up now Levi.”

Levi nodded, though still feeling a bit discouraged. But he decides to go with it anyway. How would the next day even play out?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through bleary eyes, Levi watches him cock his head as he recognizes the small potted plant across from him. 
> 
> “You still kept the forget-me-nots?” Erwin asks in a small voice.
> 
> Levi nods even though Erwin isn’t looking at him. “Just because we fought doesn’t mean I’m gonna put my anger out on a stupid flower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait--didn't know where I wanted this go but I finally figured it out.
> 
> • New tags!

Levi jolts awake at the sound of Bruce's barking that echoes throughout the house. At first he ignores her, thinking she's just hearing things again, but there's a small knock on the door which makes Bruce even more hostile. Levi glances through squinted eyes at the clock by his bed--it was a quarter to eight. What would someone want at this hour?

Groaning noisily and sighing sharply, Levi whips the blanket off and stomps towards the front door, his footsteps heavy on the glossy wooden floor. Mumbling obscenities to himself, he fumbles with the sliding bolt lock and the door chain and abruptly pulls the door open, squinting through the piercing morning light. Noticing a tall figure waiting in front of him, it takes him a second to register that it's Erwin standing tall with a bright smile stained on his face. He's holding two Peet's Coffee cups in his hand. He offers one to Levi.

"What th'fuck?" Levi mumbles, too tired to have much of a reaction.

"I figured we could get an early start." Erwin beams.

Levi rolls his eyes and takes the coffee from his hand. He pushes off the door and trudges towards the kitchen, feeling Bruce excitedly brush passed his legs to greet Erwin.

"What's next on the list?" Erwin hollers from the front door while petting Bruce and trying push her back in. He hears Levi mutter something but can't make out the words through Bruce's heavy breathing. "Bruce, where's your toy?"

Bruce seems to understand what he's saying and suddenly darts upstairs to go fetch it, giving Erwin time to meet Levi in the kitchen. The small brunet is sitting at the table with his chin in his hand, nearly dozing off. He snaps his fingers and Levi's eyes open after a slow second.

"Did you get enough sleep?"

Levi rubs his eyes and yawns. Of course he didn't. He hadn't seen Erwin for a long time and suddenly hanging out just to help him with his therapy would of course keep him up late at night and replaying the entire scenario in his head. Then he started debating in his head for hours whether Erwin still had feelings for him or whether he was just there as a friend and pity the poor fool. Then the scene of wiping Erwin's face would pop up, making Levi cringe--which was probably the dumbest thing he's ever done in life ever.

"No, I had work." Levi lies. There's no way in hell he'd tell him the truth. "Anyway, I walk Bruce every morning, so I'm gonna have to bring her with us. Today's assignment requires that I smile at someone."

Erwin sits down across from him and grins. "That's gonna be a tough one. You rarely smile at all."

"And you smile too much." Levi snaps harmlessly.

"I think it's pretty normal for someone to smile a lot. I don't think I can go through a day without smiling."

"Then you're fucking weird." Levi gets up. "I'm gonna go get ready. Thanks for the coffee."

"Wait--" Erwin lightly swats his arm. "I have an idea. Why don't we just practice these things face to face, and when you're ready and you feel comfortable, we can go out and have you practice with strangers--I just feel like going out right off the bat to practice this is too much pressure for you."

Levi hums to himself for a moment. Being alone with Erwin? Levi doesn't know if he should feel excited or scared about that idea--but Erwin is right. It's too much pressure doing these assignments on strangers. "Sure, I guess you're right."

"By the way, you haven't made eye contact with me once since yesterday, Levi." Levi looks him in the eyes, then automatically averts his gaze to his chin. "See! You did it again. It's like we're back on square one."

Levi turns away from him completely, feeling his face get hot. "Tch. So what?"

"Levi I'm serious. If you want this therapy to work then we have to be on the same page with each other. I'm gonna point out the elephant in the room right now--clearly something is bothering you about me being here."

"What are you even talking about?" the brunet snaps. Erwin raises his hands up cautiously.

"Look, I know it's awkward talking to each other after a nasty break up--but I already told you after this is all over we can stop seeing each other. So let's just be adults about this and work hard together, kay?"

Levi glances back at Erwin who is smiling softly at him. Erwin is right again--the sooner this was over the better. Levi just has to put his feelings aside for the moment and focus on trying to cope with his social anxiety. That's all there is to it. Somehow, having this awkward tension break between them feels good, but Levi still can't help but feel anxious about the last day they'll work together. That would be the end of it, wouldn't it? Levi wouldn't see him again after that…

"Okay." Levi finally says.

Erwin sighs in relief and clasps his hands together. "Good! Because today I brought a six pack of beer."

He flinches. "What? Why?"

"Because it tastes good." Erwin stands up and heads for the door mumbling about forgetting it in the car. 

"No you fathead," Levi swats his arm. "I mean why do we need alcohol? _Especially_ at this _hour_?"

Erwin sighs heavily as if Levi should already know. "Because we're taking this whole thing too seriously and I can't make you smile for the life of me, so we're gonna get a little loose. I also brought the game Uno to keep us busy."

Levi crosses his arms and shakes his head, smirking. "Playing Uno with you would just make me wanna kick your ass."

"It's the only game I have at home because I know you don't have shit. Be right back, everything is in my car."

•

It isn't even noon yet and the two are on their third drink, laughing and cursing at one another at the kitchen table while playing Uno--or more like Erwin watching Levi lose his temper with sheer amusement. Levi is harmless when he's angry--always spouting empty threats like a clawless cat.

"Erwin if therapy includes kicking your ass, I’d very much like to do that right now." Levi looks at the Pick Up 4 card begrudgingly. He practically has a quarter of the whole deck in his hands while Erwin was holding one.

The blonde smirks as he takes another sip from his can, holding a single card up to Levi’s face. "Uno."

"I give up. You win." Levi huffs, and drops his cards on the table.

Erwin broke out into laughter as he shuffled all the cards back together. "Let’s play one more time--if I let you win, maybe you’ll smile.”

“Hell no. You know I hate playing games with you--plus I’m too drunk right now. Let’s watch a movie or--Crap, I haven’t even walked Bruce yet!” Levi gets up to get Bruce’s leash from the counter, but he trips over his feet and falls on the floor. Erwin snorts as he rushes to pick him up.

“Yeah, no. You still don’t know handle your alcohol. God forbid the city sees how much of a damn clutz you are. I’ll walk her for you.”

“This is all your fault.” Levi mumbles accusingly, feeling too lazy to move. He closes his eyes and feels himself dozing off.

“I didn’t tell you to drink three beers. I know I can handle my shit better than yours.” Erwin sighs, hoisting Levi up over his shoulder. “This isn’t gonna work. You’re a pain in the ass sometimes you know that? I’ll come by again tomorrow with a better plan. Alcohol is usually the answer for everything but apparently not in your case.”

Levi can feel Erwin walk towards his room. His heartbeat quickens as the blonde puts him down on his bed, but that’s all Erwin does and sits by his feet. They stay quiet for a few pulses in the unlit room. Through bleary eyes, Levi watches him cock his head as he recognizes the small potted plant across from him.

“You still kept the forget-me-nots?” Erwin asks in a small voice.

Levi nods even though Erwin isn’t looking at him. “Just because we fought doesn’t mean I’m gonna put my anger out on a stupid flower.”

Erwin looks back at him with soft eyes--just staring at the brunet, shifting his gaze around Levi’s face as if remembering something that involved him. He suddenly looks down and hesitantly reaches for Levi’s ankle, caressing it with his thumb. He always did that whenever he got emotional--he just has to hold onto something for security, Levi guesses.

They stay quiet again, sharing the silences between each other. Taking in the fact that after so long they’re both finally here together--again. Erwin still fidgets with Levi’s ankle, seemingly lost in thought with himself. Levi wonders what he’s thinking about--Erwin was always hard to read. He moves his hand up to Levi’s face and brushes his hair to the side, then suddenly stops moving as he sees something.

“What is it?” Levi furrows his brows in confusion as Erwin brushes his hair back one more time and leans in to get a better look.

“There’s a scar next to your eyebrow. Where did you get that?”

Levi suddenly sits up out of Erwin’s grasp. He crosses his legs and avoids looking at anything but Erwin. Another few pulses of silence pass again. “Erwin...um, t-there’s a reason why I’m doing this therapy.”

“I’m listening.” The blonde leans in with a concerned look on his face. Levi looks down and fidgets with his fingers, hesitating on trying to get the words out. No--he can’t tell Erwin, he knows what he’s capable of. But he can’t lie either because despite how stupid the blonde is, it was hard trying to hide something from him--and Erwin _always_ gets what he wants. Erwin puts a gentle hand on his. “Levi, calm down. It’s okay. Tell me what happened.”

As if on cue, there’s a violent knock on the front door.

Levi flinches out of Erwin’s grasp and stumbles off the bed. “Shit!”

Erwin gets up and holds Levi still who shaking uncontrollably. “Who is that? Levi what’s going on? I thought you lived alone.”

“I do live alone!” Levi panics. “T-That’s an ex-boyfriend of sorts--I dated him right after I left you for a couple of months. He still hangs around but it’s fine, he probably forgot to pack something. Let go I have to answer that--”

Erwin grips him harder and searches for an answer in Levi’s eyes. “Is he the one that gave you that scar?”

Levi groaned and tried squirm out of his grip as another set of violent knocks came to the door. “N-No, Erwin--please let go.”

Erwin reluctantly obeys and watches the small brunet scramble to the door with Bruce suddenly hostile towards the guest. A taller brunet appears at the entrance while pushing the dog away and notices Erwin immediately.

“Who the fuck is this?” The stranger asks, looking back at Levi. He’s taller than Levi but shorter than Erwin by several inches--he has some muscle on him, but he definitely isn’t frightening to Erwin. _Levi was dating_ this _kind of guy?_

Before Levi could reply, Erwin stood up straight and walked forward. “I’m a friend. Is there something you need?”

The stranger walks up to him as if sizing him up, his hazel eyes burning through Erwin’s. “Yeah, get the fuck out you damn titan. I have to talk to Levi.”

Erwin clenches his hands and narrows his eyes. He opens his mouth to retort back, but Levi gets between them. He looks up at Erwin nervously and guides him to the front door away from the taller brunet.

“I’ll call you okay?” Levi gives him a soft sad smile before he closes the front door. “Thanks for stopping by.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe being alone for a long time is something he needed. He'd rather die from loneliness than a heartbreak, because love was too painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to edit this chapter, the images weren't showing. :c

Levi doesn't text Erwin like he said he would--No, not after what Eren did to him. He can't. Erwin would either go after him or look down upon Levi saying something along the lines of, "You just don't know when to stop fucking up, do you?" Somehow one outweighs the other at the same time, so Levi decided to just wait a little longer to text an excuse that wasn't obvious.

Slowly, he leans over the sink and lightly touches his swollen eye that was covered in a mixture of dark hues. Not even makeup could hide this. He glances at the deep cut on his bottom lip and licks it carefully, wincing abruptly as it stings which makes his eye throb and pulsate painfully. Everything hurts too much. He opens the mirror cabinet and takes out a bottle of painkillers. 

He goes straight to bed after that. It's late in the afternoon now--Eren left about half an hour ago, promising he'd come back some time later in the week. Before that, Levi had found himself half conscious on the floor in too much pain to think. With balled up fists Eren suddenly realized what he had done and begged for his forgiveness. If Levi rejected his apology, who knew what else Eren would do to him.

_How did this all even happen?_

In the beginning Eren seemed like a sweet boy--he was honest, caring, and pretty darn funny. He comes from a loving family. He was a great rebound to be honest--until he got too possessive after a month. When Levi clearly stated he didn't want a serious relationship, Eren insisted that they did and claimed how much he loved him and how he'll never let him go. Levi was turned on by his passion and dedication--even if he was just a kid fresh in his twenties.

But that was thing. Eren was just a kid. He doesn't know what love is--and it definitely wasn't beating the shit out of him. Even after the first apology Levi knew the relationship was going downhill, so he promptly demanded a breakup. Of course with Eren being Eren--in his eyes, that wasn't going to happen.

Levi looks at his phone and sees that Erwin had messaged him:

 **Erwin** : Call me as soon as you can. 

He sighs shakily, feeling his eyes sting with tears--Levi wants that more than anything. He wants to call him and tell him to come back to him. He wants to tell him he loves him so much it fucking hurts--that he's sorry he's so fucked up in the head and so angry with himself and life but he just can't live without him.

Levi presses the phone to his forehead and sobs loudly, his voice echoing in the dead house. Bruce comes trotting in with concern in her eyes and tries to nose her way under his arms.

"Fuck off, you stupid dog." Levi mutters weakly as he turns away from her. The blonde jumps on his bed and stubbornly lays next to him. Levi finally surrenders and puts an arm over her as he begins to cry harder. "I'm sorry, Bruce. Don't leave me too."

 

* * *

 

Levi decided to move. After three days of serious contemplation, he decided that it'd be better if he stayed away from Erwin and Eren completely. He's not in high school anymore--he doesn't need the pointless drama. He doesn't need to be thinking about killing himself or _someone else_  for that matter anymore. Maybe being alone for a long time is something he needed. He'd rather die from loneliness than a heartbreak, because love was too painful.

Levi has enough money to move to a different state and starts to make plans; Through craigslist he hunts for dog friendly and cheap places to rent. Once he found something that was good enough, he immediately begins packing and drops off his mother's belongings to a nearby donation center--which took an entire day to complete. The house is two stories, but small and easy to empty--he didn't own very many things to begin with. He cleans the entire house until there's no sign of him--everything he owns is in the center of the living room: one suitcase and a backpack containing Bruce's food and toys. He only had a couple days left now.

He suddenly remembers Erwin and shoots him a quick message:

 **Levi** : Hey sorry about the delayed response. You can stop coming by because work has been piling up for me lately and I won't have time for our therapy sessions. Sorry for wasting your time. Thanks for your help. 

Erwin said he didn't want to see him anymore after this was all over anyway. Levi figures he'd be even extra happy about his message...

The small brunet spends the entire day sleeping off the pain in his eye that was slowly beginning to fade, even the cut on his lip was beginning to scab. The wounds are still obvious though.

As he begins to drift off into his third nap, he can't help but feel happy--or was he just lying to himself? Either way, it doesn't matter. He has to move on.

 

 

A series of hard knocks comes to the door in the midst of Levi's sleep--they were so forceful it echoed through the house, leaving a faint ring in his ears. He and Bruce jolt out of bed and rush to the door--the lab beat him to it and violently barks at it. Levi opens it slowly but it's pushed open with so much force that it makes him fall on his ass. Before he realizes it, Erwin comes stomping in.

"Erwin? W-What are you doing here?" Levi tries to sound casual, turning his face to the side to hide the wounds. He unconsciously raises an arm to protect himself.

The blonde's eyebrows were so knitted together they almost became one. His nostrils flared in rage as he pointed an accusing finger at Levi. "You are the _worst_  liar I know! 'Work has been piling up for me'? 'Sorry for wasting your time'? Levi where is this load of horseshit coming from?! You don't call me for three days, you send me the dumbest message ever--did you really think you can fool me? and is that--" Erwin notices the suitcase in the living room and looks back at Levi who is flinching at every word he's saying. "--is that what I _think_ it is? You're running away _again_? You invite me into your life and then you're just going to leave?"

" _I'm sorry_ **!** " Levi suddenly snaps, briefly making eye contact with him with his good eye. He looks away and says it quietly again. "I'm really sorry...I just..."

Erwin realizes how harsh he was and takes a moment to breathe. He drops to his knees in front of Levi, who's still covering his head with his arm. Erwin sighs heavily, letting a few moments of silence pass between them. He slowly reaches for Levi's ankle and gently caresses it with his thumb.

"...You're leaving me again?" Erwin whispers.

Levi sniffles, his eyes burning with tears. "You said you didn't want to see me again after this was over..."

"I didn't mean it, Levi...I-I was still so angry when I saw you after all this time--I didn't know how to react." Erwin tries to look into his eyes, but the brunet persistently turns away. "Levi, please look at me."

Erwin slides his hand from his ankle to his calf, running his hand soothingly up and down. Levi stubbornly shakes his head, unable to let the words out. Erwin reaches for his hand and Levi resists for a mere second but gives up and let's Erwin move it. The blonde gently pulls Levi's arm to bring him closer, making him sit up and lean forward. With his other hand Erwin guides his chin until Levi's entire face is exposed. His eyes widened at the sight of the wounds.

"Levi…" Erwin gently cups his face, staring at his black eye with disbelief. Levi could see the tears in his eyes well up. "Levi…why would you let him do this to you?"

"I'm sorry..." his voice cracked as he spoke.

Erwin pulls him into a hug and they both sat there by the doorway, sobbing into each other's shoulders. Levi grips his jacket tightly, wishing this moment could last forever. He doesn't want Erwin to leave his arms. He doesn't want him to go home after this. He doesn't want him to pretend like nothing happened after today. He wants him to stay forever--to go back to talking about their future; the kids they'd have, the kind of house they'd live in, how they'd stay married until death. He wants Erwin there to encourage him, to reprimand him, to make love to him--he wants all of Erwin. He wants to wake up to that face every morning and every time nightmares pull him awake at 3AM. He wants to be there for Erwin when he's angry, when he's broken and crying, when he's laughing like a fucking idiot. He wants to hear about his day, his problems, his accomplishments--

"Erwin…" Levi pulls him away, trying to formulate the words in his head. Erwin pulls his chin up to look at him in the eyes--and once again, Levi finds himself lost in the deep blue irises. The eyes he fell in love with when they first met. The eyes that found him first and saw all of Levi--all his good sides, bad sides, and sides he's hidden from the rest of the world. He's seen it all. Levi finds himself crying again, recalling all the good and bad memories they shared. Somehow the bad memories don't seem as bad, and he finds himself cherishing them as much as the good memories.

Levi blinks and tears fall down his face as he finally builds the courage to speak again. " _Stay with me._ "

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M LOOKING BACK AT IT NOW, AND IT FELT LIKE I WROTE A LOT BUT IT SURE AS HELL DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT LOL SORRY I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU GUYS.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s staring at the blonde softly now as he recalls several moments similar to this one; The casual sunday mornings, with tousled hair and no plans for the day--just laying around, talking about nothing important. Those small moments that meant nothing at the time, but means a lot when you look back at it. You realize that everything counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got stumped again--still trying to figure out where this gonna go. Anyway, I hope you guys had a wonderful spring break and are prepared to get ambushed by finals. I prooobably won't update until June or July? A lot of things are going on, plus this gives me time to sort this story out. Stay safe!
> 
> • Follow me on tumblr/instagram: xypeilo

Levi wakes up to an annoyingly familiar sound--Erwin's snoring. It's not like those typical light snores--it's more guttural and obnoxious, like a pot-bellied pig snore. When he thought he would wake up the way most girls in movies would wake up with their nice hair in the nice lighting, comfortably in the arms of their handsome lover who’s sleeping peacefully and quietly--in Levi's case, it's the complete opposite.

Levi is laying on his stomach on the edge of the bed while half of Erwin is laying on top of him. Erwin is completely sprawled out with his limbs practically hanging off the twin sized bed as he snores directly into Levi's ear--his hot morning breath traveling down his ear canal and making him cringe. To make matters even more worse, Bruce is laying right on top of his legs, entrapping him even further.

It's too hot, it's too crowded, and it's not romantic at all. Levi absolutely hates mornings.

After they cried it out last night, Erwin took him straight to bed (or what was left of it, which was just a mattress) and held him close until they both fell asleep--Levi was filled with too much emotions to push him away, but he couldn't help but admit how sweet it actually was. Erwin was a nice little reality check for him last night. Levi just got overwhelmed like he always does and acted on impulse to move away. He doesn't regret donating his mom's things though, since he's been meaning to clean out the house since she had passed. This almost feels like a new page for Levi. A fresh start.

He suddenly grimaces at the thought of Eren. He wonders how he's going to deal with him without Erwin trying to get involved even though he's mostly a patient and diplomatic kind of person. But just remembering how frightening he can be after the last straw sends shivers down Levi's spine--like when you're at the store with your mom and you're misbehaving; she doesn't want to reprimand you in public to ruin her image so she gives you _the look_. Erwin doesn't need to yell or spit empty threats--one _look_ is all it takes to make you regret you were born. But with Eren's hotheadedness, those two would probably never to come to a consensus and it might end up getting violent.

Levi struggles to turn around to see Erwin's unattractive sleeping face; his cheek is smushed against the pillow with a light trail of drool seeping from the corner of his mouth and soaking into Levi's pillow. It's a godawful sight, but the sentimental feelings come rushing in. Levi remembers how much he actually misses waking up next to Erwin. With one hand he gently brushes his fingers through Erwin's hair, revealing the tiny freckle at his hairline. With the back of his fingers he caresses the patchy stubble along his cheek and runs a delicate finger down his nose--trying to remember the shape and texture of Erwin. To confirm that this isn't a dream. That Erwin is really here.

In the corner of his eye, Levi notices the small pot of forget-me-nots by the door (Levi was planning on leaving them behind) and decides to quietly slip out of Erwin and Bruce's grasp. The blonde dog raises her head up nonchalantly, curious of what Levi is up to, then goes back to sleep. Erwin on the other hand curls up into a ball and snores away.

Levi takes a half empty water bottle from the side of the mattress and squats by the flowers to water them with it. He rests his chin in one hand as he makes sure each little flower is watered as he remembers the day Erwin gave these to him. It was just a random gift--Erwin saw the seeds at the store and couldn't help but get them. He loved flowers--and while knowing very well Levi didn't favor them too much because of how much of a mess they can be, he still wanted to share them with him.

He took care of them for the first couple of days until he became neglectful of them on accident. Erwin stopped by one day and noticed that they were beginning to wilt. He mentioned it to Levi, to which the brunet responded by waving it off and promising half-heartedly that he'd get to it until he saw Erwin's reaction.

It takes a lot to get on Erwin's bad side--especially when it comes to hurting his feelings. He's a pretty good sport about everything. But when he saw the flowers beginning to wilt, Levi saw for the first time how hurt he was by it. Erwin doesn't ask for much from Levi--in fact he doesn't ask anything from him. To see Erwin in that state because of Levi's selfishness really got him to fix his attitude. Since then, even when they fought and broke up--Levi could never let those flowers die.

"I didn't think you'd keep them for this long." Levi hears Erwin say through his cracked morning voice.

"Me too." Levi mutters, still keeping his eyes on the flowers. "They've grown nicely."

Erwin hums in agreement and they stay quiet for awhile. The brunet gets up and walks back to the bed. He sits next to Bruce and pets her absentmindedly, not sure what to say. He can feel Erwin's eyes on him.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you last night." Erwin sits up and meets his eyes. "I know you've been going through a tough time lately--with your mom passing away and your ex barging in. Not to mention me being in your life again too. I acted selfishly last night and I lost control. I just…I don't want to us to end on a bad note again when you leave."

Levi purses his lips and curtly nods. "About that, I…I'm not going anywhere. I just panicked and you know how I get--I make rash decisions. If you hadn’t showed up I’d probably be on a plane already make even more stupid mistakes."

"But Levi, you got rid of _everything_ \--"

"They were mostly my mom's things. She had the shittiest taste in furniture anyway so it's not a complete loss. I'll build my way back up for now. By the way...um, can we still continue with my therapy?"

Erwin sighs in relief and runs a hand through his bed hair. “Well I hope you didn’t throw away all the dishes, because I wanna make you breakfast first.”

•

Levi watches from the table with his chin in his hand and his short legs swinging to and fro just barely above the ground. Erwin has a dish towel over his shoulder, humming along with Jack Johnson’s “Banana Pancakes” that was playing from his phone. The blonde sways his hips and bobs his head side to side as he cooks. It’s pretty funny to watch but Levi loves it. Erwin always had to have music playing whenever he cooked. He said it helps him get in the zone when Levi asked him about it awhile ago.

“ _Waking up too early, maybe we can sleep in, make you banana pancakes, pretend like it’s the weekend now._ ” Erwin puts the last pancake on a plate and begins to cook the eggs. Levi just sits there and sways with the music as well, remembering all the times that Erwin had cooked for him in the past. While there was a good feeling lingering, Levi can’t help but wonder what’s between them now.

After Erwin finishes cooking, they sit in content silence as they ate together. Levi glances at Erwin as he eats, remembering just how sloppy he can get sometimes. He chuckles quietly to himself and Erwin’s eyes flicker up to meet his.

“What?” he asks innocently with his mouth full.

Levi chuckles again as he rests his cheek against his fist. With his other hand, he reaches for Erwin’s face to brush a crumb from the corner of his mouth. He’s staring at the blonde softly now as he recalls several moments similar to this one; The casual sunday mornings, with tousled hair and no plans for the day--just laying around, talking about nothing important. Those small moments that meant nothing at the time, but means a lot when you look back at it. You realize that everything counts.

“Just remembering the good old days.” Levi mumbles, his fingers trailing down to Erwin’s stubbly chin. His smile fades as he puts his hand down and continues to eat, leaving Erwin there to digest what just happened.

 _Great_ , Levi thinks. _I did it again--Erwin’s gonna reprimand me now and lecture me about how this is inappropriate and that after our therapy is over, we won’t see each other ever again._ The blonde finishes chewing and puts his fork down. Levi almost winces, waiting for it to happen--

“ _Levi_.” Erwin manages to choke out.

Levi looks back at him and sees something in Erwin’s eyes that’s unreadable--hesitation? Fear? Anger? Before he can put a finger on it, he finds himself suddenly going with the flow of Erwin’s movements. The blonde gets up and reaches for Levi’s face with both of his hands in one swift motion.

Just merely inches away from each other’s faces, they pause. Everything is silent except for the sound of their breathing. _This is a bad, bad idea,_ Levi thinks. His hands which are just hanging uselessly by his sides begin to get clammy. Levi knows if this continues, they’d end up in the endless cycle again of dating and breaking up. But somehow, none of that seems to matter at the moment, because Levi only knows one thing--he loves Erwin. No matter what they go through, no matter how many times they fight, Levi can’t seem to let go--and neither could Erwin.

The blonde caresses Levi’s face with his thumbs for a few pulses, then suddenly clashes their lips together. They stumble desperately away from the table as the kiss deepens. Levi tries to hike a leg up against Erwin’s side and Erwin hoists him up, wrapping both of his legs around his waist while Levi’s arms wrap around his neck.

“Bed...now.” Levi pants. Erwin nods eagerly and makes his way towards the bedroom. He accidentally bumps Levi into a few corners and half-heartedly mumbles apologies, desperately trying deepen the kiss even more. Their teeth clack and their tongues entwine as they inhale each other’s familiar scent. Levi can’t bear the overwhelming emotions any longer and begins to tear up as Erwin drops him on the bed.

The blonde straddles his hips and cages Levi with his hands planted flat beside his head. The lust in his eyes are instantly gone the moment he sees Levi crying.

“Shit, are you okay?” Erwin panics. “Did I drop you too hard?”

Levi covers his eyes with his arms and shakes his head vigorously. He lets a few moments of silence pass so he can compose himself. When he replies, he can’t seem to contain the shakiness in his voice.

“I’m s-sorry I fucked up.” he stammers in a small voice, still keeping his eyes covered. He curses silently at himself for ruining the mood they had going.

Erwin sighs and drops his head on Levi’s chest. “Levi--”

“I’m sorry I fucked everything up,” Levi begins to sob in a high pitched voice. “I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I--”

Erwin tears his arms away from his face and kisses his lips to shut him up. Levi blinks away the tears as the blonde plants his lips on his forehead next, and then his cheek. He holds him there for awhile until Levi calms down, carding his fingers through his hair soothingly. Slowly, Erwin pulls away slightly so he could look at Levi.

“Stop apologizing.” Erwin presses his lips against Levi’s once more, then leaves a trail down his neck to his collarbone. “You don’t need to apologize. Just stay with me.”

Levi wraps his arms around his neck and lets out a heavy sigh into Erwin’s shoulder. The stubborn tears won’t stop falling.

“Okay.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TALK TO ME. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY, SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS, WHATS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR, ETC. (✿◠‿◠)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lost within the tangle of gaze,  
> caught in a sweet reverie,  
> our time together felt eternal.  
> I am absolutely,  
> Undoubtedly,  
> Moonstruck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I'd update in June or July? Whoops, I lied. The NEXT chapter won't be posted until June or July for sure now.
> 
> I appreciate all your support, guys! Your comments mean so much to me~ I'm thinking in about 3 or 4 chapters I'm gonna start wrapping it up. 
> 
> • Please excuse any mistakes. •
> 
> -
> 
> Listen to: You There by Aquilo

Erwin kisses Levi slowly and lovingly, trying to coax him back into the mood. He cups Levi’s face carefully as if he were delicate and gently nibbles on his bottom lip, silently begging to enter. It doesn’t take long for the heat to build back up again, and soon they both find themselves panting and moaning softly in the quiet room. Erwin trails his kisses down Levi’s neck as a hand goes down to the brunet’s clothed hard-on, eliciting a pleasured gasp from him. Levi breaks away from the kiss and tosses his head back as the blonde starts to stroke the shaft of his cock with the heel of his palm, occasionally teasing the head with his thumb. Erwin watches him react through half lidded eyes, his jaw hanging just slightly in amusement as Levi makes all sorts of noises.

“Lube?” Erwin asks smoothly as he shimmies Levi’s boxers off. The blonde licks his lips at the exquisite sight before him. He grabs hold of Levi’s erection again and spreads the precum in a circle with his thumb as he slowly slides his grip up and down.

“S-Suitcase.” the brunet manages to croak out from the overwhelming sensation. He buried his face in Erwin's chest and tugged on his shirt. “Hurry.”

To his distaste, Erwin plants a kiss on his forehead and suddenly lets go completely to get the lube, leaving Levi's neglected dick to throb painfully. The brunet hears quick heavy footsteps thump down the stairs, and faint sounds of clatter in the living room--Erwin probably dumped all of Levi's belongings onto the floor to make the lube easier to find.

He comes back in a split second with the bottle and sits between Levi’s legs as he pops the cap open. Erwin coats his fingers generously with the clear liquid before throwing the bottle somewhere behind him. He wraps Levi's legs around his waist and leans back down to continue kissing him while the lubed fingers circles the tight ring of muscles soothingly.

“Ready?” Erwin asks, pulling away again to see Levi’s face.

The brunet nods impatiently, his brows knitted together. “Of course I fucking am. Hurry it up.”

“You are _shameless_.” Erwin grins. He plants a kiss on Levi’s forehead and pushes a finger through the puckered hole which sucks him in welcomingly. “That’s one of the things I love about you. You know what else I love about you?”

Levi clutches onto Erwin’s shirt and bites his shoulder to stifle his moans, not really paying attention to what he’s saying. He wraps his small arms around his neck as he adds another finger in, thrusting both digits thoroughly. The pleasure is overbearing, making Levi pull away but Erwin stopped him with kisses as he curled his finger in the right spot. Levi rolls his eyes shut and wraps his arms and legs tighter around the blonde, nearly on the verge of climaxing. 

"E-Erwin. I need you--"

“I love the sound of your voice.” Erwin briefly pulls away to unzip his pants, his own hard-on springing free from its restraint. Erwin and Levi are already breathless and covered in a thin layer of sweat. He pushes the head of his cock in carefully, and they both gasp. “I love...the sound of your breathing when you sleep.” he continues while he waits for Levi to adjust.

Levi turns his head and puts an arm over his eyes, blushing hard. “S-Shut up already.”

“I love your smile.” Erwin ignores him as he begins to slowly move his hips, thrusting shallowly. He plants his hands besides Levi’s head, caging him again. The blonde drops head, letting it hang between his shoulders so he can watch himself enter Levi. “I love it when you laugh.”

Levi thinks about snapping at him when Erwin's hips suddenly stop moving. The blonde sniffles as soon as he stops and Levi promptly feels something wet hit his chest. Panicking, he grabs Erwin’s face and lifts it up--he was crying. His brows were furrowed and his mouth bowed upward as tears streamed down his face. 

“Erwin--”

“I love being with you." the blonde whispers in a broken voice.

Levi blinks, unsure what to do. He tries to find a way to respond, but instead resorts to wiping away the small tears rolling down Erwin’s face with his thumbs. After all this time, Levi finally realizes, The only person that’s been hurting was _Erwin_. The brunet’s gaze softens as Erwin turns his head to kiss his palm.

Levi softly shushes him as he guides Erwin’s head lower so their foreheads could meet. Erwin takes a deep breath and sniffles again. He mumbles an apology and Levi hushes him again.

He squeezes Erwin's arm gently and speaks in a soft voice. “Hold me.”

The blonde nods his head and obeys, sliding a hand under Levi’s back while the other slid under his head, entangling his fingers in black hair. Levi wraps his arms around his broad shoulders and tightens his legs around his waist.

“I won’t let you go.” Levi says, on the verge of crying himself. He wipes more tears away from Erwin's face and presses a small kiss on his lips. “I promise.”

 

As Erwin proceeds to make love to him, Levi can’t help but remember a poem that he begins to recite in his head over and over again:

 

 _It is sweet and innocent._  
_His eyes hold sincerity,_  
 _screaming with emotions_  
_while his voice merely_  
_whispers._

 _He sighs into my neck_  
_as his hands bloom_  
_on the valley of my back._

 _Lost within the tangle of gaze,_  
_Caught in a sweet reverie,_  
_Our time together feels eternal._  
_I am absolutely,_  
_Undoubtedly,_  
_Moonstruck._

 

* * *

  
They lay in bed for awhile; Erwin is on his back while Levi is cuddled against his side, making small talk as they both stare at the ceiling. Erwin runs his fingers through Levi's hair absentmindedly, while the brunet draws an invisible circle around his nipple.

“Hey Levi?” Erwin turns his head to the brunet who’s laughing softly at the meaningless conversation they were having. Levi tilts his head to meet his gaze, smiling at him expectantly. 

“What is it blondie?”

Erwin hesitates and chuckles. He lowers his head so he can plant a kiss on Levi’s forehead. “Nothing, nevermind."

 

* * *

 

“Hi Levi! Oh my gosh! What happened to your eye? Y’know, you should really stop getting into bar fights.” Olivia, Levi’s younger-by-thirty-seconds sister--the complete opposite fraternal twin, finally decides to Skype him for the first time since she’s moved to Spain. She looks almost exactly like Levi, minus the short hair and the naturally pissed off expression of his.

“You should see the other guy.” Levi brags, and Olivia rolls her eyes. She already knows about Eren but doesn’t try to put her two cents in since Levi always hated her insight. _If you know something isn’t good for you from the start then don’t do it,_ she’d say. _It’s simple. Why would you waste your time on people?_ Olivia is a very practical person; She doesn’t bat an eye when she cuts people out of her life. Despite how loving, charismatic, and energetic she is--if you get on her bad side, you’re never going to see her again. Olivia is the queen of Silent Treatment. The god of the Cold Shoulder.

“How’s work going?” Levi asks as he watches his sister grade a pile of papers. It was late in the afternoon for Levi, but about 1AM in the morning for her.

“Oh it’s goin’.” she mutters, marking a page in red here and there. “It’s been a busy week. Being an ESL teacher is far different than what I imagined.”

“Having regrets yet?”

“Mm, not yet. The first couple of weeks are always the hardest, but it’ll pan out. I’m only having a hard time with getting use to the school schedule. The teaching is easy. Anyway, how’s your job at the restaurant going?”

Levi shrugs. “Same-o. I’ve been getting really good tips lately after you gave me advice. As much as I hate it, acting out your kind of personality really pays off.”

“Wow. Great customer service coming from you? I almost don’t believe it.” she says, almost sarcastically.

“Give me money and I’ll prove it.”

“Woah there, even if it were legal, you’re far from my type bro.”

Levi snorts. “You’re an idiot. Speaking of which, you need to get back into dating or you'll die alone--and that's sad.”

Olivia shakes her head as she quickly glances at her brother. “Says you. Anyway, I'm not doin' none of that dating bullshit since your break down after losing Erwin. That scarred me.”

“If it makes you feel better, we’re kinda sorta back together?” Levi winces she gapes at him.

“Shut. Up. Uh, _how_?”

Before he can respond, Erwin walks in with two hot cups of coffee and sets one down in front of Levi. He plants a kiss on his cheek and rests his chin on his shoulder to watch Olivia. His hair is still damp from showering earlier.

“Hey Liv.” Erwin says. The four eyed brunette glances at Levi hesitantly but he seems to be okay with everything.

“Well speak of the devil--Eyebrows! Good to see you! How are you doing?”

“Pretty good, actually.”

Olivia nods, obviously trying to be sarcastic. “Yeah? Your space novels makin’ big?”

“Funny ha-ha.” Erwin deadpans, but Levi knows they’re just messing around. They have this odd, almost stale kind of humor that other people would find uncomfortable and offensive. “It’s science fiction. How’s your money-making job going?”

The twin stretches her arm out and looks at her nails with raised eyebrows like some bourgie soccer mom in a PTA meeting. “Oh it’s doing really well. It’s a luxury over here.”

“We both know that’s horse shit.” Erwin snorts.

“It’s not like being an author is any different.”

“Well, the difference between my shitty job and your shitty job, is that I’m actually good at what I do so I get paid more, thus making it a less shittier job than yours.”

Levi rolls his eyes and pushes Erwin’s face away before Olivia can retort back. “Okay you’re both pretty, now shut the fuck up. Hey Liv, I’ll call you back later. I have to go to work in a bit.”

“Yeah yeah sure, you two go make out.” she waves them off and they both hang up.

 

Levi spins in his chair to face Erwin who’s sitting on his bed and grinning like an idiot. “You heard me. I have work in a couple of hours and I have a session with my therapist tonight so you should go home.”

“I can’t stay?” Erwin pouts. He motions for Levi to come closer, and pulls him until he's between his legs. He looks up at Levi and rests his chin on stomach, patting Levi's butt cheeks rhythmically. “I can wait for you.”

Levi’s heart skips a beat and feels his face get warm with embarrassment. “I’ll be home pretty late though.”

“That’s fine. I’ll pack an overnight bag and cook dinner. That sounds good, right?”

“Er, yeah. I guess that’s fine.” Levi looks away shyly. “You should probably get your stuff now before I leave. I don’t have a spare key.”

Erwin gets up from the bed and gives him a quick kiss before heading out of his room. “Alright then. I’ll be right back.”

 

Levi tidies up around the house and unpacks his suitcase cheerfully while he waits for Erwin to return. There’s a bubbly sensation in his chest, and he can’t help but smile widely. The giddiness has him skipping around and dancing while he cleans, humming to himself like he was some teenage girl who just got asked to prom. He can’t believe it though--Erwin is _here_. After a year of pain, they're slowly but surely reconnecting.

 _Happy endings do exist after all,_ Levi thinks to himself. He looks at Bruce who’s been following him curiously the entire time. Levi squats down to playfully pet her, flopping her ears as he scratches the sides of her face.

He puckers his lips and talks to her in a baby voice. “Daddy’s got his lover back, Brucey.”

The buff lab seems to misunderstand his tone and runs to go fetch her toy. Feeling pretty good about himself, he decides to kill time to play with her until Erwin comes back.

 

* * *

 

The blonde returns about half an hour later with a duffel bag full of clothes. Levi raises a brow as the blonde drops it on the floor with a heavy thud.

“The hell did you pack? A body?” Levi asks, nearly horrified.

“A week’s worth of clothes, shower essentials, my laptop so I can work on my story here--”

Levi gawks at him. “A week’s worth? Like, _seven days_?”

“Is that okay with you?” Is it okay? _Of course it is,_ Levi thinks. He didn’t think Erwin would want to stay over for that long. He might as well invite him to move in--but what if they break up again? Anxiety pools in his stomach the more he thinks about it. What if they break up again and the cycle repeats? What if there’s no more cycle? What this is Levi’s last straw--

“Hey.” Erwin puts his hands on Levi’s shoulder, noticing his hesitation. “I can...just spend one more night here if it makes you uncomfortable. I know it probably feels like I'm moving too fast--”

Levi flinches from his thoughts and shakes his head. “Nonono, it’s totally fine. I was just--”

“Are you _sure_ , Levi? Tell me honestly.”

“No, Erwin, I’m sure.” Levi lets out a heavy sigh and looks away. “I’d love it. I really would, I swear. I miss having you around-- _honest_.”

Erwin studies him for a second with narrowed eyes but decides to wave off whatever troubling thoughts he had, because in a split second he suddenly grabs Lev's face and smooches his lips before picking up his duffel bag. “If you say so. I’m gonna put this in your room and start working. You should get ready for work.”

“Erwin wait--” Levi grabs his arm and the blonde looks over his shoulder, waiting. “I…”  _I love you._ Levi wants to say, but the words are caught in his throat and time is running out before Erwin gets suspicious. It's too soon to confess. 

“I should be home around ten.” Levi settles with instead, internally cursing at himself. Erwin smiles and continues to walk towards the room.

“Okay! I’ll start cooking 8:30 so you can have dinner while it’s still fresh.”

 

* * *

 

Today is pretty slow at Pasta Pomodoro. Levi and his friend Farlan lean against the bar table while staring at the double glass doors expectantly. Several customers would pop in every so often to get a drink, but no one ordered a meal.

“Jesus, it’s always Wednesdays that piss me off,” Farlan murmurs. “I even asked Shadis if we could go home early--nobody shows up on this day.”

“Why would you ask _Shadis_ for _anything_?” Levi grumbled and crossed his arms.

The lighter brunet shrugs. “Isabel got to take the day off today.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Levi gawks at him. All he wants to do right now is go home and spend time with Erwin. 

Farlan snorts. “I bet she gave him a blowjob for it--Oh, looks like we got a customer.”

“That’s disgusting,” Levi moves his gaze lazily at the entrance but then suddenly staggers back, recognizing the customer immediately. “Oh _fuck_ me.”

Eren approaches nonchalantly with his hands in pockets, wearing a harmless smile on his face--his eyes glued to Levi. The small brunet suddenly panics, but tries to keep his composure as much as possible. He had Erwin now--Eren couldn't touch him anymore. 

Farlan shakes his head and makes his way towards the break room while Eren takes a seat at the bar table. All of Levi's friends knew Eren and none of them were brave enough to face him. So much for "friends". “He's all yours, buddy.”

Levi crosses arms and glares at his ex boyfriend, waiting for Farlan to be out of earshot. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Eren puts his hand over his chest, pretending to look hurt. “I promised I’d see you again, didn’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm Melody and I suck at writing smut. I'm so sorry lol. I spent like two hours deciding how I should tackle that scene. Expect something a little bit more sexy and properly written soon.
> 
> Again I appreciate all the support for this! You guys are the best. <3
> 
> • What's your favorite ANIMAL?  
> • I can't remember if I asked this for this fic, but if anyone would love to Beta my flawed writing, please don't hesitate to volunteer. 
> 
> AUGH. MY VISION IS SO BLURRY RIGHT NOW FROM STARING AT THIS CHAPTER FOR HOURS. I'm gonna catch up on sleep.
> 
> Have a great weekend and stay safe~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all make mistakes. We all fail. We all fall. It’s our choice to get up, learn from them, and grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah~ Mama is B A C K. Sorry for the absence, I wanted to take a break from this fic and work on other ones. As I said before, this story will start wrapping up pretty soon. Thank you for your support and patience!

Levi said he’d be home at ten, but it was almost eleven. For as long as Erwin knew him, Levi was always punctual; He religiously stood by the saying “If you’re on time, you’re fifteen minutes late”. But here Erwin is, eyeing the clock anxiously as time ticks away. He had already made dinner and covered Levi’s plate, though it's probably cold by now. The tall blonde leans against the counter and crosses his arms--What was taking so long?

Bruce meanders into the kitchen after awhile and stops next to her empty bowl. She looks up at Erwin expectantly. He walks over to her and pats her head.

"Do you know where your owner is? Hm?" Erwin asks as he scratches the back of her ear. He decides to feed her and help Levi unpack his things to kill time. He hangs up his clothes back into the closet and moves furniture back where they belong. Levi hated clutter and only owned what he needed--he probably felt relieved getting rid of his mom's things, since she was the complete opposite of him.

11:30

Erwin calls him several times, but it would go straight to voicemail. Maybe he’s just having a longer session with his therapist? After all, Levi being back together with Erwin was certainly big news. But at the same time it didn't make any sense. Levi said he’d come home at ten. It wasn't like Levi to arrive nearly an hour late.

Erwin paces the kitchen nervously, coming up with the most bizarre scenarios of what could’ve happened to Levi that’s making him arrive home so late. From the corner of his eye while he’s lost in thought, he can’t help but notice and uncomfortably bright sticky note on the refrigerator--Levi hated bright colors. Curious, Erwin approaches it and sees that it was labeled “Dr. Pixis” followed by a phone number.

Erwin immediately takes out his phone and dials it disregarding the possibility that Levi was probably in a session right now. He just needed to know Levi was safe.

“Dr. Pixis.” a strong voice answers.

“Hello," Erwin replies in a formal tone. “I’m Erwin Smith--I’m a friend of Levi Ackerman...”

There's a surprised _oh_ , and then a brief pause. “...I’m sorry but I’m strictly prohibited in sharing any information with outsiders--"

“No I understand. But I’m actually wondering if Levi had a session with you yet? He said he’d come home around ten and I’m just worried about him. If he’s with you, I understand and completely respect that, but I just need to know if he’s safe.”

There's another pause before Dr. Pixis spoke again. “He has not showed up to our session today, Mr. Smith. He was suppose to come here at 8:30 but he never showed up."

Erwin begins to panic as he hangs up and immediately runs to get his coat.

 

* * *

 

Levi stepped outside the restaurant with Eren, keeping a secure distance between them. They stayed in the vicinity of the building and sat down on a bench. Levi sat up straight, keeping his wits about him as Eren slouched, not showing any signs of danger. He wouldn’t dare do anything to Levi out in the open anyway.

“Why are you here?” Levi asked sharply.

“Wow,” Eren scoffed. “You sure do miss me.”

“Fuck you. What do you want?”

The air was awkward and tense. Eren suddenly lost his arrogant attitude and frowned, keeping his eyes on his shoes. “Does he make you happy?” his voice was quiet and almost strained.

Levi flinched at the question. “Why the fuck do you care?”

“I just wanna know if you’re happy with him.”

“Of course I’m happy with him, it’s better than being with you--”

In a swift motion Eren suddenly raised his arms at Levi--to choke him? Punch him? Whatever it was, Levi’s first instinct was to cover his head. But Eren didn’t strike him. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Levi and buried his face in his shoulder. Levi went stiff as the brunet began to cry.

“I’m sorry.” Eren whispered. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m an arrogant piece of shit and I don’t deserve you.”

“Sulking in self pity won’t make me want you back.” Levi deadpanned.

“That’s not why I’m here,” Eren's voice breaks. His grip tightens on Levi. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole, Levi...You don’t have to forgive me, but I just wanted you to know that I do realize my mistake. I was scared, frustrated, and insecure, but that’s no excuse for the way I treated you. I forced myself on you and did cruel things to you to make you stay, but it only made you run away. So...I’m really sorry. "

Levi froze at the words coming from Eren’s mouth. He didn’t know what to say or how to react. Instead, he wrapped his arms around him in return and held him quietly. _We’re all human,_ Levi came to the conclusion. _We all make mistakes. We all fail. We all fall. It’s our choice to get up, learn from them, and grow._

-

Levi returns from the train station at midnight and runs home as fast as he can. He saw the countless amount of missed calls and messages from Erwin, and decides to not return them, feeling it’d be better to explain in person anyway.

When he gets to his house, he fumbles with his keys but the front door bursts open before he could. He finds Erwin staring at him wide eyed with his coat in hand. Levi steps forward slowly, trying to catch his breath. He sees the look on Erwin’s face that had many, many questions. The face that wants to reprimand Levi for being late. The face that worries all the time. The many faces Levi has seen in the past, that he gets to see now. He was happy.

Levi throws himself at Erwin and they stumble onto the floor, but Levi doesn’t care--he cups Erwin’s face and kisses him for a long second before the blonde could protest. The emotions are overwhelming and all Levi wants to do right now is cry from all the happiness. Life is good right now, he thinks as he holds Erwin. I _am_ happy. He pulls away just a tad so he can look into his eyes.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cough* *cough* might have a sequel of Eren's love story--who should he be paired with? Jean or Armin? CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE COMMENTS--because I sail with either ship and I might just pull a name out of a hat.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S BEEN SO LONG. I am so sorry guys--I got busy with other fics and college. Also, this chapter is really short, sorry again. The next chapter will be a doozy, I promise. :)

“Where on earth have you been, Levi?” Even with the cliche kiss that seems to only work in movies, Erwin doesn’t seem to be swayed at all. He sits up and pulls apart from Levi with furrowed brows. “You didn’t even show up to your session today, I was worried sick!”

Levi runs his fingers through his hair nervously and tries to find his words. “I...I was talking to Eren.”

“Are you kidding me?” Erwin stands up and brushes past Levi to close the front door. He turns around and crosses his arm, looking like a pissed off mom.

“He came up to me while I was at work, what do you expect me to do? I settled things, Erwin.” Levi slowly walks closer and puts a comforting hand on his arm, but Erwin suddenly recoils and grabs his wrist.

“Settled things? Levi you could’ve gotten hurt! I don’t know if you’ve notice, but your face looks a bit messed up.”

“Erwin, look he’s not a bad guy--”

That somehow tweaked a nerve in the blonde. “Don’t _tell_ me that after he rapes you and beats the shit you, Levi. He is a bad guy! Why the hell are you even defending him?”

Levi clenches his fists. “What the fuck is your problem? You don’t even know him!”

“You’re joking.” Erwin scoffs and puts his hands on his hips. “Please tell me you’re fucking joking.”

“What? He apologized. We’ve moved on. We’re on good terms. I’m _over_ it, Erwin.”

“That doesn’t just happen--”

Levi grabs his face and pulls him until their foreheads are touching. He lets a moment of silence pass for Erwin to calm down while he soothingly strokes his face with his thumbs. Quietly Levi says, “That's not for you to decide. I’m home, I’m safe, and I’m with you. That’s enough, isn’t it?”

Erwin let’s out a heavy sigh and grumbles something under his breath. Levi smiles softly and tries to follow his gaze.

“Isn’t it?” he asks again in a small voice.

Erwin closes his eyes and sighs again. He finally wraps his arms around Levi and buries his face in the crook of his neck. Levi runs his fingers through the blonde’s hair and kisses his temple.

“I don’t want you to see him again, Levi.”

Levi pushes him away. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Erwin.”

“What? You’re getting mad because I’m trying to keep you safe?”

“I’m mad because I forgot how much of a controlling dick you can be--you have nothing to worry about! He’s not going to hurt me!”

“ _I worry!_ ” Erwin bellows. “He waltzes into your life whenever he wants, he hurts you, and you’re gonna cut him slack--oh because he said _sorry?_ Because he has such a sad childhood that it excuses him from doing godawful things to you? Because what, Levi? Because what? 'Sorry' doesn’t cut it!”

“I didn’t ask for you to worry! It’s none of your goddamn business anyway!”

“It is my business because I care about you!”

“Then stop caring! Just get out!”

Erwin opens his mouth to retort, but he closed it and stood up straight. He furrowed his brows and tightened his jaw.

“I am sick and I am tired of playing this game with you Levi.” he says in a dangerously low tone. 

Th blonde pushes past him and marches upstairs. He comes back down shortly with his bag over his shoulder--and without saying anything, he walks out of the house and slams the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whose side are you on? Erwin or Levi's?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay fellas, I kinda hit writer's block these past few months. Don't worry, you'll get your happy ending. Maybe.

_Stupid._ Levi stamps his eyes with the heels of his palms as anxiety begins to constrict his chest, pushing his heart into his throat. _I’m so fucking stupid._

Erwin was just here ten minutes ago. They were just in each other’s arms. If there is a ‘control+z’ button anywhere Levi would slam it as hard he could and start over. This isn’t suppose to happen. Erwin wasn’t suppose to leave. The one person who’s been with through everything with him – the one person who actually cares about him... _left_.

Nervously, Levi pulls out his phone from his pocket and scrolls through his contact list until his finger finally hovers over Erwin’s name. What if he doesn’t answer? What’s there to say now? Erwin made up his mind – he doesn’t want to see Levi anymore. He drops his phone on the floor and covers his face again. Maybe he’ll come back, Levi thinks. So he waits by the door until he’s fast asleep.

•••

Erwin turns over in his blanket and was met with the painful sunlight seeping through the blinds. He groggily turns back to the other side to face the wall but he’s even more awake now.

He suddenly remembers what happened last night and covers his face in shame. _I’m so stupid._ The argument didn’t have to go in that direction – if Erwin had just let it go, they wouldn’t be back on square one like they are now. But he still means what he had said. It was ridiculous for Levi for forgive Eren so quickly, that doesn’t just happen. The things that boy did to Levi was absolutely unforgivable.

“I was just trying to protect him…” Erwin says to himself. He shifts onto his back and stares at the ceiling. “Why is he so _damn_ stubborn?”

 

Erwin starts his usual morning routine before he gets to work on his novel. It’s not until he finally sits down at his desk does he realize his flashdrive is missing. The blond scrambles about his room to look for it and even turns his bag inside out hoping to find it there – but he reluctantly accepts the fact that he left it at Levi’s house.  _I could start over,_ Erwin thinks. But then he thought about his deadlines and dealing with Mike's complaints. No...he'd _have_ to go to Levi's to get it back.

“Knock on the door, don’t even bring up last night,” Erwin preps as he gets into the car. “Ask for your flashdrive, and walk out without another word. Levi doesn’t want you in his life anymore, he made that clear. Show no emotions. Don’t even look at him.”

Levi tends to say things he doesn’t mean – when he tells you that he hates you, it’s only true for five minutes. But Erwin had dealt with that more than enough times in his life – he wasn’t lying when he told Levi he was tired of playing this game with him. He’s tired of feeling like shit all the time. Levi was always mad or jealous about something and no matter how many times Erwin tried to put up with it or tried to soothe him, nothing worked. This isn’t healthy anymore.

 

Erwin pulls up in front of Levi’s house and lets out a heavy sigh before getting out. He wants to make this as quick and painless as possible. He promptly knocks on the door with his knuckle and rests his hands on his hips, waiting patiently. It takes a long minute, but the door finally opens and Erwin finds Levi staring the floor, but he says nothing. The blond averts his eyes to the sky and clears his throat.

“I left my flashdrive in your room.” was all he says.

Still silent, Levi opens the door wider and steps aside for him to get through. As the small brunet heads towards the kitchen, Bruce comes charging down the hallway excitedly and tackles Erwin.

“Hey girl,” Erwin says quietly as he closes the front door. He flops her ears around and heads upstairs to Levi’s room while the dog follows him. The flashdrive was still on Levi’s desk just as he left it. He grabs it and shoves it in his pocket then trots downstairs and finds Levi waiting for him by the front door, eyes still glued to the floor.

“What is it?” Erwin asks. His voice is naturally loud and stern, but Levi still flinches. He hesitates to speak and bites his lip. Erwin knows that at this rate, Levi will just beat around the bush. He knows what Levi wants to say. He knows how he feels already. Erwin straightened up and huffed.

“Look,” Erwin started and Levi finally makes eye contact. “I loved you, okay? You pissed me off so much sometimes but I never stopped loving you, not after we broke up. It was a long and miserable year without you, you know that? I acted like I didn’t care, like I could move on – but I couldn’t, alright? I just couldn’t. We’ve been through so much together it was impossible to push you out of my head. No matter who I dated to keep you out, you were always on my mind and I was always waiting for you to come back. But now… ”

“Erwin–”

“ – I didn’t mean what I said last night, about how I was tired of you, or maybe I do – I don’t know... I was just _frustrated_ and I was _scared_ , and after I said that I knew I lost you again. But at the same time you don’t ever let me help you – you rage about your life and you put your anger out on me. I try to be there for you but you always make it hard for me. It’s not fair Levi – you can’t just push me away and blame me for leaving. You can’t just –” Erwin loses it. The tears he held back for so long came rushing down his face and he grabs a handful of blonde hair above his forehead in frustration.

Levi takes a few steps towards him, but Erwin turns away from him. “Erwin look at me–”

“I didn’t come here to confess my feelings like a highschool girl, I just wanted to get my flashdrive…” Erwin sniffles. “I need some time to think, okay? Just...leave me alone for a couple of days.”

Without waiting for a response, Erwin walks out of the house.

* * *

**_January 5, 2013_ **

_It was the first time Levi was late for work. In fact, once he realized it would take another hour to get there by train, he decided not to show up for the day – screw what Shadis would say, he couldn’t fire Levi even if he wanted to._

_“Ah shit…” Levi heard a voice behind him. He turned around and saw a tall blond in a nice suit, holding a briefcase. He looked like your typical businessman – probably was some kind of accountant or maybe a lawyer, Levi guessed. He looked just as disappointed as Levi while he watched the train disappear._

_“Was that your ride?” Levi asked. They were the only people on the platform._

_“Unfortunately,” the blond said, looking at his watch. His voice was deep and very business-like. “Yes. It was. I just blew my chance to publish this book… “_

_Levi eyed the suitcase. “You’re a writer?”_

_“Yeah I know, I’m a laughing stock. You and the rest of my family can agree.” The blond never made eye contact as he checked the train schedule on the wall._

_“Well, I think it’s pretty cool. What do you write?” Levi shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and walked around the platform aimlessly._

_The man replied in a bland tone. “Science fiction.”_

_“Oo. Like Orson Scott Card? Ben Bova? Ray Bradbury?”_

_That’s when he finally looked at him. The blond flinched, and a small grin grew on his face. “Just when I thought the world stopped reading...Those your favorite writers?”_

_“Yeah. What can I say? I got a thing for otherworldly stories. Makes me forget how shitty the real world is.”_

_The blond stepped closer, looking slightly curious. “I didn’t catch your name.”_

_“It’s Levi. And you?”_

_“Erwin Smith. Levi, would like to get some coffee with me?”_

_The brunet cocked his head to the side, pretending to think long and hard about it. “Only if you let me read your book.”_

_Erwin smiled._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin’s face was incredibly close to his, their noses nearly touching. Levi could see deep into those vivid blue eyes, the slightly crooked path from the bridge to the tip of his nose, the stray hairs under the arch of his eyebrows, the vague freckles on his forehead – Levi admired every part of his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first two memories here are the outfits they're wearing because I got lazy I'm sorry:  
> [Erwin](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/62/a8/54/62a854d6123731eb7104483b65b9ec20--mens-winter-coat-mens-fall.jpg)  
> [Levi](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/4c/34/0a/4c340a724597ae4427d37200f959b306--timur-simakov-mens-skater-style.jpg)

_January 20, 2013_

_Levi rushed to the bathroom mirror and took a quick once over, noticing his hair was sticking in all sorts of directions. He quickly combed his bangs with his fingers, turning his head to the side to make sure he looked okay. He backed away and tiptoed to see his outfit in the mirror – a graphic tee and jeans were fine to wear...right? Levi wondered. He had spent the past half hour suffering with a wardrobe malfunction – any outfit he picked out looked completely stupid to him. If he had known what Erwin would be wearing, he would’ve been done by now, that way they could somehow match._

_The doorbell rang, and Levi’s heart stopped. He bolted out of the bathroom and ran halfway down the stairs to find his mom heading for the door._

_“Mom!” Levi hissed. “Get away from the door! Don’t answer that!”_

_“Oh, Levi. It’s your date isn’t it?” the old woman briefly fixed her hair and adjusted her cardigan. “You don’t want to leave him out there in the cold.”_

_“You crazy woman! You get back in your rocking chair right n–” His mom opened the door and cheerfully greeted the blond. Levi ran back upstairs and walked nervously in circles in the hallway._

_“Yo, you good bro?” Olivia came out of her room, still in her pajamas._

_“Uh – shit. I… dude, I’m too nervous to go on a date with this fucking giant.”_

_Olivia lazily peered down the stairs, finding Erwin conversing with their mom. “Since when did your looks get you a man like this?”_

_“Shut the fuck up. I’m gonna fucking throw up on you.” Levi looked pale and was at the brink of hyperventilating. “I’ve never done this before, I’m so fucking nervous right now.”_

_“What, go on a date?”_

_“Yeah, he wants to have breakfast and feed ducks at the fucking park. Am I dressed okay? What’s he wearing? Can you look?”_

_Olivia cocked her head a bit to check. “He looks pretty casual. You on the other hand look like a high school student. Put on a damn jacket by the way, it’s cold out.”_

_“All my jackets are torn and shitty. Do you have something gender neutral or masculine that’s not your boyfriend’s?”_

_Olivia found a light grey sweater for him and pushed him down the stairs, making his feet hit the steps a little louder than he anticipated. Erwin and Levi’s mom both looked up._

_His mom smiled as Erwin stood there looking almost captivated by the sight of him. “Levi! What took you so long? This fine young man had been waiting for you!”_

_Erwin laughed nervously. “It’s not a problem, ma’am.”_

_Levi couldn’t make eye contact with him as he walked down the stairs, he could feel his cheeks getting hot. “I – sorry. Had to do a few things.”_

_Levi’s mom started to head back to the living room. “Well you two have fun and be safe. It was nice meeting you, Erwin dear.”_

_“Of course, and it was nice to meet you too ma’am.”_

_Once Levi made it to the bottom of the stairs, it was just them two by the door. He slowly worked his eyes up to Erwin’s face, admiring his matching attire. It was weird seeing Erwin in something casual – the last time they saw each other was at the train station and Levi just had the notion he wore suits all the time. When he got to his face, Erwin was smiling softly at him – his eyes locked with Levi’s._

_I don’t even know him, Levi thought to himself. But for some reason, I’m completely drawn to him._

* * *

Levi waited for a couple days just like Erwin told him to, but there was no call. He kept his phone by him at all times, but after a week – he began to give up. Erwin was done with him after all. For some reason, Levi didn’t feel anything this time. He didn’t get upset or fall down in a pit of _what if this_ and _what if that_ – in some way, somehow, he accepted this situation.

For the first time in awhile, Levi felt… liberated. He didn’t have to worry about being there for anyone or hurting anyone’s feelings – it was just him and Bruce and no one else. He didn’t need anyone else, he concluded. At least not now.

“Hey Farlan,” Levi hugged hi phone between his ear and his shoulder as he tried to put his shoes on.

“Yo, don’t tell I have to come in today, because I thrice checked my schedule last week.”

Levi snorted. “Don’t worry, this isn’t work related. I was wondering if you could do me a favor? I’ll pay you for it of course.”

“If it’s within the parameters of legal, then maybe.”

“I’m going on vacation for a couple of weeks to get some fresh air, y’know? I was wondering if you could babysit my dog. You can spend the night there, just don’t throw any house parties or have sex in my room. Or my kitchen. Or anywhere. Please.”

Farlan broke out into laughter. “Yeah that’s fine man, I don’t mind. With what you’ve been through, you need a looong break… Is there anything you wanna talk about?”

“I…” There was a brief pause, and Levi smiled. “No, not at all. I’m good, thanks Farlan.”

They got off the phone shortly after that. Levi put on a sweatshirt and led Bruce out of the house by the leash. He ran along the sidewalk with his dog, feeling the cool breeze caress his face and brush through his hair. Even though he wore a sweater, he can feel the chill air right through him. Despite that, there was something about running that felt good. His legs were getting tired and he was beginning to lose his breath – but it felt...good. Too good.

* * *

_After breakfast, Erwin and Levi walked around the park side by side with handfuls of bread bits. They found a bench by the pond with dozens of birds surrounding them, their beady little eyes waiting on a thin line of patience. The two wasted no time and started to toss bits of bread a little further away from their bench to avoid conflict from the geese, as they had a habit of pecking._

_“I hate birds.” Levi said flatly, to break the silence. Erwin chuckled while he sprinkled crumbs for a trio of ducklings by his feet._

_The blond chuckled. “Not a fan of animals?”_

_“I like animals. Just not birds. And bugs. Anything that flies is disgusting.”_

_“But birds are pretty amazing creatures. They’re graceful, gentle, and – ” A goose suddenly honked at Levi when it realized he had no more bread in his hands. The brunet jolted backwards and almost fell, but Erwin caught him with his arm, gripping Levi’s side, and gently moved him forward so he was sitting up again. But the blonde didn’t move his arm away. Instead, he gently brought his hand up to Levi’s shoulder while keeping his eyes locked with his._

_“Birds are assholes.” Levi remarked. But the blond said nothing. Erwin’s face was incredibly close to his, their noses nearly touching. Levi could see deep into those vivid blue eyes, the slightly crooked path from the bridge to the tip of his nose, the stray hairs under the arch of his eyebrows, the vague freckles on his forehead – Levi admired every part of his face._

_Erwin cleared his throat and pulled away gently. He quickly threw more pieces of bread at the birds and they followed after them away from the bench. Levi turned away, trying to pretend nothing happened. He glanced at Erwin who seemed to be doing the same, but his cheeks were completely flushed – Levi couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or if he was embarrassed._

_Picking at the hem of his sweater, Levi looked back at Erwin nervously. “H-Hey, Erwin?”_

_The blond wasted no time meeting his eyes again. “Yes, Levi?”_

_“Can we do this again?”_

_Erwin chuckled. “I thought you hate birds?”_

_“But I don't hate you.”_

_Erwin suddenly doubled over in laughter, making Levi laugh too for the first time in awhile. "I think you're really fun to be with, Levi. I'd love to do this again with you any day."_

* * *

“You’re up in five minutes.” Mike adjusts Erwin’s tie, trying to meet Erwin’s eyes. “Get your head out of your ass so you can get through this book signing – you hear me?”

“Yeah.” Erwin looks down at his shoes. He doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t want to take pictures with fans or answers stupid questions or give a stupid speech. He wants to go home.

“Erwin.” Mike says sternly. The blond meets his eyes. “Look. _Alive_. Can you stop thinking about Levi for just...an hour and a half? Please? This is your time to shine. Look at all the people waiting for you.”

Erwin glances through the cracked door at least a hundred people waiting for him patiently. But today they don’t matter. The fact that his book was gaining recognition doesn’t matter either. He doesn’t give a shit.

“You worked hard for this,” Mike continues, but Erwin drowns him out. He can’t stop thinking about Levi. For days he had mixed feelings about him – does he want to stay? Does he want to go? What does he want? What does he like and dislike about Levi? No matter what the answers were, Erwin is still at war with himself.

“...you take pictures with fans, answer some last minute questions and then you can lock yourself up in your room when you get home and sulk all you want. I need you at your best right now Erwin. Your fans need you. Okay?”

Erwin sighs. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Mike slaps his shoulders and leads him out of the room. “Go build your fame!”

The second Erwin steps out of the room, a suddenly bursts of screams fills the entire bookstore. Adolescents and adults of all ages crowds one half of the store, screaming his name – smiling and crying as if he is some kind of deity. It instantly lifts his spirit. Erwin smiles gently and waves to his fans as he walks in front of a large poster of his book’s cover. Someone quickly gives him a microphone and he waits until the excited chatter died down.

“Wow,” Erwin says into the mic, genuinely in awe. He tries to look at as much eyes as possible. “It is such an honor to be here. I honestly couldn’t have made it here without you guys.” The crowd applauds again. Some individuals hoot and whistle excitedly. Erwin puts his free hand in his pocket as he carried the mic close to his mouth. He paces back and forth in the small space served as the stage and waited again for the crowd to calm down.

“Let’s go ahead and get this show on the road so I can hopefully get everyone’s books signed shall we? I’m gonna answer as much questions as possible in…” Erwin glances at the clock. “Thirty minutes, alright? Who’s first?”

Dozens of hands shoot up in the air. Erwin points at a teen in the back. “You, with the grey hoodie. What would you like to know?”

“I really liked how Lauder’s character was developed throughout the series, was his character inspired by someone you know?”

Still pacing, Erwin nods. “Good question.”

 

Mike watches carefully from the sidelines with arms crossed, his wife Hange by his side. Erwin seemed to be levelheaded so far. The editor scans the crowd of fans clutching their books excitedly as they hang onto every word he says.

“I am so proud of him,” Hange whispers.

“I am too, but Levi is fucking things up.”

His wife rolls her eyes. “That’s none of our business, love.”

“It’s _my_ business because I made sure Erwin got here. What has that imp been doing? Whining about his sad life about how nobody loves him and all that mumbo jumbo emo bullshit and holding this man down? It’s ridiculous. Erwin deserves better.”

“Mike that’s not for you to decide. Erwin loves Levi, you _know_ that. And why would you talk about him like that? We were all friends in high school.”

“Levi was _your_ friend, Hange. Erwin was _my_ friend. All I’m trying to say is that Erwin came this far. His book is a bestseller and he’s scheduled for three more book signings out of state. He’s accomplishing the dreams he had since we were eight. The last thing he needs is drama.”

 

“Mr. Smith can you tell us about what exactly the moral of the story is?” A young girl about the age of twelve asks. “I feel like there’s more than one, but what message are you trying to get across exactly?”

Erwin stops pacing and faces the young lady. “The book isn’t about the galactic war in the Verenras Galaxy. It’s a big part of the story – but it’s not exactly what I wanted you to focus on, ladies and gentlemen. We know that the so-to-speak good guys lost, and now we’re left with this hopeless ending. Mission failed, end of story. Let’s look at Lauder, our main character. He’s given this notion that he’s the hero – the good guys depended on him but alas, they failed and everyone dies except for Lauder. Lauder is burdened with guilt for the last chapters because he failed to save the people that needed him the most, remember that long chapter of him sulking?” The crowd murmurs in agreement in a solemn tone.

“But do you also remember his sister tries to talk sense into him? What did his sister say? ‘ _You are human. It’s okay to fail_.’ Because how are you going to learn? Now I’m not saying a whole species going extinct is okay. What I’m trying to get at is, don’t ever beat yourself up for your failures. That gets you nowhere. Get off the floor, and move on. Try again. Be the bigger person and keep trying. A hero isn’t always perfect. They fail, they learns from their mistakes, and they keep trying. _That’s_ what makes a hero. _That_ is my message.”

Erwin let out a deep breath. The crowd was silent, taking a second to absorb every word he said. It’s so silent in the entire building that Erwin can hear his own heartbeat.

Mike smiled proudly. “Well, I’ll be damned...”

As if on queue, the crowd went wild.

* * *

_May 15, 2013_

_At the corner of his eye, Erwin saw Levi carry something in his hand past him as he tried to focus on writing. He heard the brunet flop on the bed behind him, and recognized the sound of pages being turned. Immediately, Erwin spun around and saw Levi holding one of the first books he wrote. Erwin jumped up and tried to snag the book, but Levi was faster._

_“Levi, please. I’m not comfortable with you reading my old work.”_

_The brunet stood up on the bed and jumped lighting on the mattress. “And why not? What’s wrong with them?”_

_“They’re complete failures. Nobody liked them – I made chum change back in the day with that crap.”_

_Levi stopped jumping and furrowed his grows. “Don’t talk about your work like that.”_

_Erwin cocked his head. “What?”_

_“Babe, you worked hard on these books. Just because no one liked them doesn’t mean they’re failures – they’re learning experiences. You wouldn’t be where you are now without these. These are important for your growth. And soon whatever you’re writing now is gonna help you write something even better. You know what I mean?”_

_Erwin planted his face on the bed and groaned. “Why are you so perfect?”_

_Levi sat down at the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through Erwin’s hair. “Nobody’s perfect, you idiot. I just want you to understand how amazing you are – if the world can’t see that, then screw them. You're always going to be_ my _hero.”_

_Erwin sits up and pulls Levi in for a kiss. “I love you so much."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uh, don't know how book signings go so just bear with me.

**Author's Note:**

> Questions? Comments? Kudos? c:


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